EPIC!

THE BEST SONG IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD: (it's not just in Norwegian... It's in the Southern Norwegian DIALECT! How AWESOME is that?)

REINERT MED BEINET

Æ har seilt på alle hav, ja æ har vore på seilas,
æ har seilt så alle seil har gått i fille,
har forlist i sydatlanten, blitt slått ned i Caracas,
å ei gang blei æ nerpå eden a de ville.

På ei palmeøy i stillehavet rodde mi i land,
æ å Reinert å en kokk fra Renneville,
å mi rosla rondt på øya å beså oss liddegrann,
å plutsli blei mi anfalt a en bande ville.

I å med at denne Reinert hinka rondt på konstig bein,
va det ikkje rå å løbe fra de ville,
snart så sadd mi der fortøya sånn til hver vår palmegrein,
å mi forsto at mi va faren rekti ille.

å kannibalane de diska opp me gryder å me kar,
me gullerøddå, kålerabi å persille,
å kokken hakka tenne, tenk han blei så bleig å rar,
å tenk teslutt begynte tårane å trille.

Du måkje sidde dær å tude, seie æ så blidt e kan,
denslags gjør nåk ikkje inntrykk på de ville,
å de ville hakje ennå lagt potetane i vann,
så du får ta ein røyg å sitte ganske stille.

Ein a de svarte kunne engelsk så æ brukte han som tolk,
å så sa æ du må seie te de ville,
at som kjøtt betrakta e mi ikkje slig som andre folk,
mi e ei blanding uda hai å krokodille.

å så seie æ te Reinert du må skrue beine a,
å så slenge du det ove te de ville,
å den ville skaren hylte som et opprørt tropehav,
å tenk te slutt blei skaren ganske, ganske stille.

Ja no sånt no vakje edanes, det skjønte de så klart,
som kunne dele se i bede som de ville,
å det ruktes rondt på øyane det va jo ikkje rart,
at folk fra Sørlande de smage rekti ille.

OK.
NO WAY Google Translate will EVER be able to translate that.
So I'm gonna do it ^^
JUST to put Søgne on the map.
Err.. I mean Southern Norway
Right. I'm gonna start calling Southern Norway: Sutherland.
Kiefer Sutherland. Nah, I'm not.
Just South. Yeehaa.
(I'm gonna translate it later/tomorrow..
Not arsed right now. And it's dead important that I do it too!
See, it's called National Pride. And in my case; Southerners Pride :D
Oh yeah.)

Walk the Line

There are many MANY possible dangers out there.
Many you don't even know about! Things you didn't even know existed! ...Oh, but they do. Oh yes, they do.
Like Nessie. Nessie exist, but she moved away from Loch Ness when she was first spotted. Now she lives just outside of Edinburgh. It's true!
And she is eating dead fish and rotten mayonnaise. She's a survivor. There's nothing more to say on that subject. Well. She also eat dead bodies from time to time.... Actually, she's just eating what's dead and rotten that floats her way... Luxury life, eh? Yes. Nessie needs to be saved. She's going to turn into a monster if this goes on! An undead-eating mon...s..ter... Wait. That's actually really useful! We need to clone Nessie! Wait.. No! No! No, we don't!
We don't want my raging army of zombies to fail, do we? I mean. Zombies rock. Therefore they must live. That's what the Bible says.
Mhm.
Anyway, I just have to be random and add the lyrics of one of the perviest (in my opinion) Norwegian folk-song ever.

Jentelokken
(Geir Lystrup)

1) Lideli galen, lidelig god, kom til meg skal du få drikke av min sko. Lideli galen, lidelig god, kom til meg skal du få danse. Danse opp og danse ned i raude lyngen under himla høge tre. Danse vill og danse varm. Å kjære gje meg ein mazurka.

2) Lideli galen, lideli god, kom til meg skal du få drikke av min sko. Lideli galen, lideli god, kom til meg skal du få ta meg. Ta meg opp og ta meg ned ned i raude lyngen under himla høge tre. Ta meg vill og ta meg varm. Å kjære gje meg ein mazurka.

Yeah that roughly mean..... No I'm not gonna translate that. It's too dirty for that....
Even I wouldn't expose you for such pervyness...
(If you're really desperate, use Google Translate. Real simple. Oh yeah.)

Anyway. This is it fer tehdeh.

Out of your head.....

Yes... We've had a... phase... of youtubing, wich obviously involves annoying songs and videos... Like this one. Oh yes. This is the worst one. Because it is true! YOU NEVER GET THE GOD DAMN SONG OUT OF YOUR BLOODY HEAD!! ARGH!!

So obviously, I'm gonna add the link. Joost'a to be nice'a... Heh..
Yeah right.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umUOiXAFAyg

Anyway. Todays issue, the issue of the day, the days issue, the issues day, the Daily Issue, the ... I can pull it longer, but I choose not to... Anyway, todays TOPIC is: CAGES! (OooooOOoooOOoo)

It's funny about kids... I mean, we cuddle them, we play with them, we feed them, and "we never ever wanna leave them. EVER"... But if we "don't"... Why .. or WHO invited the playpen? I mean... It doesn't even look like a place I would place my worst enemy!

I mean just LOOK at that picture! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Playpen

It looks.... HORRIBLE!

It looks like a prison!

Just look at that kid in the playpen.... I bet it's saying "MOMMY!! GET ME OUT OF HERE! It wants to EAT ME! ...And there is an old guy in here, aswell, sitting in the corner, under some toys, saying he'll give me candy if I pick up his soap!" or like its life depends on getting out of there... (it probably does.)

Yeah.... Parents are sadistic bastards... They just like to think they aren't....

Anyway... The playpen is also where the faeries swap the kids for Grinches that looks a lot like the baby in "question"... Yes.
The Grinch is real. And you've seen THEM (yes, there are more than one Grinch, obviously... They aren't Santa...) every time a baby cry, or go completely mental over pickles and other un-real problems....
Oh yes. Most of the time, the baby manages to crawl out of the faerie land, of pink and light blue and salmon red, out into the real world... Then the Grinch start it's long dying process, and doesn't really die untill they are out of their teens. But the babies that doesn't make it out, before they are three, they... They die. And the evil babies of Doom who choose to stay in faerie-land, becomes one of the evil faeries.. And it's Grinch is here to stay! If you wonder how you can see who is grinch, and who isn't, the answer is obvious. Their personality. And also you can also see it on their smile. Looks very Grinch-like. You know, "the Grinch", with Jim Carrey... It's accually spot on! Except they normally don't grow a bigger heart.... That's just a myth, you see....

Anyway... Grinches and faeries fortunately have enemies aswell. They are called: ALCOHOLICS!
Yes.
Alcoholics.
You know how they always talk about the green fairy? They aren't fantasizing, you see. They are just so drunk that they are in a certain state of mind, wich is so primitive and simple that it's ... quite scary...
Anyway. That they can see them, scares the faeries. And also, when a faerie has been spotted by something less innocent than a baby, it instantly DIES the most BRUTAL and PAINFUL death you can ever imagine!
It bursts into flames, get swallowed by a fly (a magical fly, naturally...) and the fly gets eaten by a toad, and the toad explodes, and then a dog comes around to sniff in the remains of the toad, fly and faerie, and leave a giant dropping over the faerie. THEN some nice guy cleans up after the dog, and swoops up the faerie aswell before he throw the bag in the bin, and THEN the garbage truck comes around, and the faerie lies beneath a heap of rubbish for hours, before the truck stops... And then the garbage gets thrown into a GIANT INCINERATOR!
And the faerie has a little fire resistance, so it lasts longer than the garbage, but dies a very very very painful death.

Oh yes. So the point of this story is: never ever EVER get a playpen. It's pure evil! And besides: You never know how many leprachauns there are, living around in your area, wanting to ask your baby where his soap is....
Filthy FILTHY leprachauns...

[Eric]

Yes. My belovved ear has been a bitch since... last sunday. Might go see a doctor soon. Been sniffing nose spray all week... Hope it's helping... It's great to spend your week-end sick.... But that's life.
Hah, I had a funny "dizzy" moment today... Was weird... Felt like I was either REALLY tired or a little drunk.
Yeah, I'm gonna go fuck up my ear entirely so that I get this weird balance forever, and seem constantly drunk! WOOHOO!

Yeah, I think I won't do that.

Anyway, it's a little late, and there is a certain geek that needs sleep.
For ear and head! *National anthem playing in the background*
Oh yes. Good old Norway.

One thing I miss in Paris is the sea... It's so weird to be so far away from it. And the seagulls.. Yes I know.. Everybody hates them, but I think they are cozy.. When they are flying around, screaming for food, THAT'S when you know it's summer :)
Oh, and lying on the pier, or whatever you call it, looking through the cracks on the water, shimmering beneath us... Then being informed that the crabs have been boiled, and we eat till we go numb... But we can't because crabs are so wonderful, so we eat a little more... And then, when we're done, we jump into the sea to get all the crab-left-overs off, but the water is so chilly after the while in the sun, so we hurry up and lay down on a big towel, and sun-dry, watching the water from the cracks again.

And THEN, after I usually was nagging on my cousins and sisters for like, half an hour or so, they finally joined me in the bathing again.... But they always exited the water too soon... They said 3 hours was a little too much for them.... Lame-o's...

Anyway. The tired geezer better go to bed. Now. Peace. And remember to never drive your car more than necessary! (wich is about... never.) And also to recycle! :D
YEAH!

Death

Humour doctor..... What was I thinking...
Seriously...